Thursday, August 15, 2013

Candy Mountain Massacre: The Revenge

Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages, welcome back to the Assassin's Den.  Today, I'm going to review another free game I found on the internet, Candy Mountain Massacre: The Revenge.

The premise of this game is ridiculous, but also hilarious.  All is peaceful in Candy Mountain, until this mechanical cake-thing releases a virus, as well as these blue leprechaun things, that turns the peaceful creatures into murderous psychopaths.  Your job as the protagonist is to exterminate the infected creatures and save the helpless cupcakes, who somehow are immune to the virus, from the death cake-thing.

You play as an action girl with a ton of guns in her backpack, who can be dressed as an exterminator, a special ops soldier, or a catgirl cosplayer, and you gun down leprechauns shooting cookies at you, unicorn-turtle-bunnies, apples with guns, cupids, hello kitties with rocket launchers, cookies that roll down hill at you, and giant cyborg teddy bears as you make your way up the mountain to face down the death-cake-thing in vehicle based combat for the final mission.

You are armed with the standard shooter fare here; assault rifle, shotgun, sniper rifle, rocket launcher, grenades that look like eggs (that you have to pick up, unlike the other weapons), and a giant hammer or melee.  You can fight from a first or third person perspective as you wipe out the infected denizens of Candy Mountain.

If you think the premise is ridiculous, that's because it is.  Marching through a mountain of candy with an assault rifle as a catgirl cosplayer is hilariously ridiculous, as are the foul mouthed foes you face.

But you know what? It's fun.  You'll be smiling as you gun down the cute creatures trying to kill you, with the occasional full bellied laugh at the ridiculousness of what you're doing.  And it controls very well.  There are a LOT of games, both retail and free, that have shitty controls, but this little flash game delivers on controls. It controls like a first person shooter, with w and s as forward and back, a and d as strafe, and the mouse rotates left and right, and aims up and down.  You zoom in with the right button, and fire with the left.  No slow down either, and no graphical glitches either.

The graphics are cartoony, and will keep you laughing at what you are doing, but not so much that you are distracted from the slaughter.  All in all, it's an enjoyable ride the whole way.

 Candy Mountain Massacre: The Revenge

Play it, enjoy it, and I'll see you next time!